Still to little time with too much to do

So I did complete 1,200 words today, had a play date for my girls and swam 1,000 meters, helped get Alex off to work, did house chores and I feel like i did nothing!

Why is it that I rush around doing busy things and never accomplishing anything. I have a to do list that grows longer and longer, organized very well, it should not take much for me to complete the list, yet i spend my time otherwise. I have too little time with too much to do. Stated simply and complexly.

So, why with the technology we have do we fill our time with busy work and never stop, do it simply and feel complete?

Instead I choose to make it difficult and try to finish my goal to have 28,000 or so words written. haha that would be 3,632 words a day for the next 5 days. Simple is not going to happen this week.....

Finding my balance

With everything I am trying to do it can be hard to find a balance.

I am training for my first triathlon, getting a new job, raising my children and trying to find time for my passion - writing.

So, my book has evolved. I now have aspects in each of my books about what is going on in my life.

In one book the girl is an avid runner and starting a new life in a town unknown to her - hummmm sound familar?
In the other book my characters are mom's just getting by their own cynical way.

Maybe with the two i will have my full therapy.

We ran and never found the pirate booty...

Seafair 2008

BAIM 7/31/08

So i have 7,000 words to write today - phew - to reach my goal. that is about 20 pages or so....
well here is from yesterday's 395 words.

She completely caught me off guard and where would that come from. Me? Volunteer in the school, right. Yet, she asked so sincerely and honestly seemed to want me to help. She stood looking at me awaiting my response.
“I” pausing so I would not say the wrong thing, “I never thought about it before.”
“I would love to get together with you and talk to you.”
“Ok”
I was stuck and now she had me cornered and I would have to give in. maybe I can set a date and come up with a way out later.
“Sure, when would you like to meet?”
“How about this afternoon?” She pulled out a compact planner and a pencil. “I have my daughter home at 2:15 and I can bring her to play with your girls, to make it easier.”
“Um….”
I had no way out; maybe I will fall and end up in the ER before 2:00 or some other catastrophe will happen. “Sure” I said, “Where would you like to meet?”
“Oh,” she smiled, “I love the little café on Main. They have bistro tables there and a patio wall. It also has wonderful food.”
I tried to not stare at her, but my words just fell out without me looking away, “What time would work for you?”

7/22/08 BIAM

Moving along... I revisited the Kindergarten moms and here is what is going on there today.

Remember my cynical main character does have an eye opening moment soon....

We played out the rest of the time in the play group in Kim’s front room having lunch on the floor and letting the kids get tired. She never seemed to mind all the chaos and the clean up afterward. This business every week would drive me crazy. We ate our packed lunches and continued to cat about our kids and their little daily accomplishments and the current books we are able to look at. No seems to ever really read them, or have the time to remember what they read. I personally would rather spend my time reading than sitting here listening to them complain about their lack of time. I look forward to my afternoons after play group. The time after the play group chaos is so very blissful and I rush home to have the stillness.

7/21/08 BIAM

A very rough draft of today's raw writing...


I turned to take a look around as I stepped away from her the kitchen began to disappear. I ran back hoping to stop her from leaving. Her voice had already drifted away and the canister dropped to the floor.
Walking through the house it disappears around me, I step from one room to the next and it vanishes behind me. The upstairs had already dissolved and the blue sky let in light. I walked on and through the wall and turn to close the door. Darkness came with the door and I stand in the blackness of night. It is in the darkness that I hear sweet melody, echoing all around me.
“Dance with me tonight
It may only come once in a life time
These memories are young and growing
To laugh, to cry, to wonder why
This keeps our memories flowing
Just dance with me tonight.”
The song repeats and softens to bare whisper and send chills trough me as the words tickle in my ears. This is a song so personal that I could only have been written for me.

7/15/08

today was good. i was able to pull in 1,390 words, clean kitchen, two resumes sent out and kids in bed on time - YEAH.

Today Abi and Zane became an item... fun fun

Without looking over at me he said, “The difference of character is the decision between right and right. Which right you choose is the means to a person’s soul.”

So, we will see how they are tomorrow....


As for Sally and the Kindergarden group they had a day off.

7/13/08

On a roll today... 400 words and counting.

Here is a blip of the one i am working on.


She added, “Fractionalize your resistance.”
With that she left the room and now I am truly alone. Only the sound of the computer running and stillness in the air kept me in a state of wonder. What could she mean, “fractionalize my resistance”? What am I not seeing?

Stay tuned for more

As always a gemini

So for Book in a Month -

I am working on two books, yup two books. One a fantasy in the southwest and one about mom's reall world mom's

So stay tuned.....

Going for 2,000 words today

so here is a bit from todays, edit and new words - i was able to get in 1,588

I hate her. I hate that she is natural blonde with natural highlights, naturally tan, naturally fit and to top it off she is sweet. Sitting across the table I see how kind she is and how her smile lights up everyone she talks to. She is always kind, never curses, doesn’t eat in excess and has a genuine compliment for everyone. She is perfect. She is PTA president, committee chair for the local soccer club and head of the biggest and most popular mom play group. Yup, I hate her.
I did not always hate her. I had heard about her around town. The other mom’s would talk about her and how amazing she is. How she would set up a luncheon, run it and clean up in the amount of time it takes to fix cold cuts for a preschooler. The buzzing says she has charisma that would convince any two-year-old to behave through an entire church session and have every teenager fully involved in senior citizen volunteer work. She has courage to not let other people talk badly and changes negative gossip to a rally of how wonderful the victim is. She has everything.
Her visible biography is gorgeous, fit and talented husband, spends every spare moment with her and her perfectly dressed children. They golf and play tennis at the exclusive and way overpriced town country club. They are seen about town holding hands, yes holding hands and they just have the look. They have a huge house on acreage, a race track in the back yard and a sprinkler system throughout. They also choose which car fits the outfit and which events they will grace with their attendance.
Their kids are on the honor roll, student of the month and have awards for exemplary community service. They have a schedule for soccer, dance, play group, school, and swim and still have complete harmony with public family time. They are kind to each other, listen and obey authority and can also charm an infant into smiling out of a temper tantrum. Perfect parents can create perfect children, according to the rumors about town.
She has to have some dark secret, I question, a hidden pimple or some crazy traits that make her more human and less perfect. I searched the rumors and her community service and traits all check out true. She is fully involved in her family and community. She lives to make others happy and content. There are no known outbursts, hidden family secrets, or crazy memberships to dark or distasteful social groups.
She has never been unkind to me or ever passed me without a smile. I actually wanted to be close to her to see if she was human, real or had some sort of past I could sense. Based on the hearsay, she is amazing and everyone wants to be in her circle. So did I.

7/9/08 a blip of what i wrote today

This is the middle of the first chapter. It is unedited and rough. let me know what you think.


I memorized her look when she finally came out of her trance, focusing on my eyes and staring into my soul. It was not a evil or haunted look but more of an understanding with hope. She asked, “What exactly is your dead end? Can you not find proven documentation or just documentation of the myths?”
Her empathic expression caused me to answer without thinking, “I can’t find truth in any of the myths I want to write about. I have changed and narrowed and broadened and still am only finding rumors and fiction. There has to be a splinter of truth that lead to the fabrication of the stories.”
She nodded slowly and carefully responded, “Are you looking in the right places. You may not find true answers by Internet searches and it may not be in educational references. You may need to search within you and why you are looking at the particular myth in your mind. It may be in front of you and you are not asking the right questions.”
She paused and I processed what she had said.
I never told her I wanted to work on a particular myth. In the beginning I looked at researching vampires, aliens, Blood Mary, Broiled diver, Lady with a neck scarf, all of which where either to popularized or not enough to make a semester’s worth of research. It was the mystifying tale of Nightwalker’s and the Southwest folklore that I found constantly. I kept finding the same bit of information and I knew there was more. I did not know why I could not find more and why nobody wanted to talk about it. I asked my dad for help and he dismissed me with, “No such thing, nothing to talk about.”
Before we moved to Seattle he worked on the Navajo Reservation, I thought he would be more of a help and expert yet he was neither.
I continued to Mrs. Maloney, “Where do I go then?”
We discussed options on finding research and different avenues. She gave me some links and people to talk to and wanted her name left out of any of my correspondence. I agreed and ended up getting to take Wednesday’s to go do research. She seemed quite helpful and willing to edit my paper and research.

BIAM

So to challenge myself I joined Tristi's Book in a Month. After the funeral and vacation all is settled down. I now have a large challenge ahead of me, 1,000 words a day 6 days a week - eek!

My start off has been quite slow. I will publish parts of my current writing here, check back for updates.

My first day I finished 447 words and a family reunion.
Day two 200 words and a funeral.

This week will be better and a lot to catch up to my goal of 20,000 words - that also make sense - haha

Happy reading!

I asked, “Where are you going?”

And you simply affirmed, “Follow me.”

“Follow where?” I replied knowing

And you showed me the road below

Knitting through a vast city in tow

Where you have been and where you will go

Atop a mountain, overlooking a vale

Intertwining roads of memories and tales

The cobbled, narrow streets not to be mistaken

Filled with trials, mystique and charm

With strong maneuvering and a steady climb

Heaven’s Angel circling, trudging upward just fine

Looking down the pursuit faired in due time

Unwavering faith tamed the pain and wonder

The road lead a bittersweet adventure

A journey well deserved, a prosperity served

Lessons learned, experiences shared, wisdom taught

A happy reunion truly well thought

To Ga with love!!

“walk a little slower daddy”

My sister's and I modified the poem, “walk a little slower daddy” to give to our dad for Father's Day last year. We then put a pressed flower in the frame. He loved it!!

Here is our version for our dad:

“walk a little slower daddy”
said a child so small
“I’m following in your footsteps,
And I don’t to fall.”
“As times have changed, now I can see
Sometimes your steps were very fast,
Sometimes they were hard to see;
So walk a little slower, daddy
For you are still leading me.
Now that I am all grown up,
You’re the perfect example for me
And what I wanted to be;
I have a little child
Who will want to follow me.
And I want to lead just right,
And know that I am true,
So you walked the right pace for me, daddy.
For I did follow you.”

Here is the orginal:

"Walk a little slower Daddy,
"said a child so small,"
I'm following in your footsteps
and I don't want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they're hard to see;
So walk a little slower,
Daddy,For you are leading me.

Someday when I'm all grown up,
You're what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child
Who'll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true,
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For I must follow you."

Author unknown

Do Not Weep for Me

I was hit last year the deaths of three important people in my life, within in two weeks of each other. I wrote a lot of poems at this time and here is one of them:

Do not weep for me
It was my time to go
Do not long for me
I will find you
Do not cry for me
I had a great time
Do not miss me
I am near by

Do remember my smile
Let it lighten your soul
Do let the morning sunshine
Begin a cheerful day
Do remember my wisdom
I am here for you
Do let the evening colors
Remind you to hold true

Love you Uncle Mark!!!

Welcome to my world

- This is for a contest, only for a contest, not a real life experience - I am not depressed and do not consider my children banshee (well, maybe sometimes - lol)

After this, nothing would ever be the same. The dream rang a sonata in my mind, an angelic smile, melody of unconditional love and ballet of forever being wanted. The stage clears, the lighting dims transitioning to dark overture, unsettling queasiness, and a deep desire inside my soul that change is soon to come. I feel her presence blow freely through my body and lift me up, but not pull me from the depression of the dark changes. The wind rustling through the curtains ushered her from my mind, the light of the day peeking into the room and a chill in the air kept me comfortable under the comforter. I lost myself in this serene morning and my thoughts drifted away. This is peace, dream gone and saved for a later time.
A screech jerked me from my perfect start and sent my heart pounding. I bounded from my bed cold and shaken. Instantly and disoriented, I scrambled around looking for the piercing sound. A baby cry, why this early, at the crack of dawn? Who could be so horrid to wreck this perfect morning!
The sound came from the room next door. To my realization, it was a baby, and it was mine, screeching like a banshee. How brutal and sudden. I completely forgot about the flabby stomach muscles, extra weight and lack of sleep. In my perfect morning dream I danced about with a flat stomach and eight hours of sleep. Welcome to my world.

I recently switched from a working mother to a stay at home mother of two. The first few months were exhilarating. I had a constant high of no schedule, spring cleaning and organizing. It was exciting to wake up later in the morning, spend the day playing and having kid fun with my little ones. I did not miss the work pressure of meeting deadlines, conference calls and systematic checking of e-mails.

However, this excitement wore off. My lack of a schedule, daily kid fun and a home that is not-so-clean-anymore turned to isolation and boredom. So I took to the outdoors. Now, this is difficult in the winter of the Northwest. The beaches of the Sound were uninhabited, cold and windy. The local parks were wet and still uninhabited. Being a new comer to the area I wondered if the winter sent all of the residents into hibernation. This lead to my question, what do stay-at-home-mom’s of small children do?

I set out on this quest to find what to do with my children, have adult contact and incorporate valuable time with my children. All of the traits are need to qualify for my reason to leave the house. As a mother with small children it is easy to not venture out. With this in mind I started checking local resources for things to do. So travel with me as I search out other SAHM with life beyond the toddler years

Devil in the Dark

Something I am trying out

I felt the force of the seat belt pull tight. I heard glass fiercely shattering and the disintegrated shards blanketed me. I saw the car flip in the air as I flew like an angel through the air. The landing was soft and the grass felt cool. The clouds lit up the sky making it easy for me to believe that it was a dream.
The car had been traveling at autobahn speeds and was built for it. The audi A8 cornered like a dream and held to the road steadfastly. It was the other objects in the way that the car or driver could not anticipate. How the signal pegs appeared out of nowhere is still to be determined.
A light flickered over my eyes. Was this my angel again? Had I finally been released form this constricting position? The lighter grazed across my eyes stronger this time. What felt like an eternity later, the light came in steady contact. A distant voice called out, “I found a body!”
Another voice boomed, “Is it female?”
The distant voice was kind and awkward, he replied “Yes, a female, a young female.”
I heard the rustling of keys and heavy boots in the crisp grass. Then the presence of a big man shadowed the starry night. His unsettling deep breath was sinister and demanding. His voice boomed in command, “Check her vitals.”